why i dnf'd at batrun 03

The real reason I DNF’d at Batrun

Sometimes we have to hit the wall before we realize that we should’ve hit the brakes sooner…


I keep saying that I learn alot from Batrun each year. This year was no different, but it was one of the hardest lessons and probably the most brutal one I’ve had to learn because the resulting damage was not visible – it was more of an emotional one which is really hard to explain.


When it comes to the emotional side of things, I tend to struggle to really grasp what is happening to me. I think we go most of our lives thinking that we are alphas, invincible and sometimes ignoring real issues by simply burying them deep down without real acknowledgement or acceptance that maybe we need help.


At times we can be our own worst enemy…


But it’s okay. We’re human and we make mistakes. It’s how you come back from those situations, learn, apply the lessons and ultimately grow and become better. I suppose that’s what growing up is all about.


This vlog was one of the toughest for me to do. I failed at a race that I’ve been training for an entire year and in a public fashion. But if it wasn’t for that, I would’ve never learnt some really amazing lessons about myself and others:



Anxiety and mental health issues are not something to be taken lightly. I have some insight into this now and it’s been a very baring experience for me. If you have been suffering from these and similar experiences, please seek the help of a professional and talk about it.


I wish you all the best on your journey


– Peace


Photo courtesy of Simon Pocock


  • Rogeema Kenny

    March 26, 2019 at 11:13 am Reply

    Massive respect to you for this Fareed.

    I know the public consequences of what happened are incredibly difficult to deal with, but you have nothing to be ashamed of. You’re one of the bravest people I know!

    *hugs* <— a soft one, not a squeeze your chest out one

    • Fareed

      March 26, 2019 at 11:50 am Reply

      Awww man Rogeema!

      Thanks for the support. It’s tough to talk about this, for me especially, but so many people suffer from this and the conversation needs to be started

  • Dylan Sage

    March 26, 2019 at 11:50 am Reply

    Bru big respect for talking about this! I have a pretty intense anxiety disorder and experience attacks often. So true what you say about keeping it all in when what you need is help and to talk about it. Sorry it effected your batrun this year. Stoked you are taking the lessons from it. If you ever need to talk about it I’m a good listener will send you a link later that I found helpful – hope you do to. Most important thing is to not let it beat you down. Keep running. Much love bra

    • Fareed

      March 26, 2019 at 1:10 pm Reply

      Brother, the links you shared are so valuable. Thank you for being open about your situation and for offering support. I’ll definitely take you up on that run-chat. I can’t imagine what it must be like living with an anxiety disorder of that nature, but you do it bravely and you are inspiring. Sending love your way man

  • Angelo Adams

    March 26, 2019 at 1:31 pm Reply

    All the best lad. One day at a time. Athletics and athletic performance has got to be the toughest barrier/s to break. Add a dash of something you’re not familiar with and all hell breaks loose. Sterkte seun, when you ready you’re ready. God bless.

    • Fareed

      March 26, 2019 at 3:28 pm Reply

      Thanks Coach Angelo. I believe that I’ll be ready when the time comes. But I need be clear that the reasons and motivation are right too. Thanks for the support as always bro

  • Nicole

    March 26, 2019 at 1:45 pm Reply

    Hey Homie, thanks for sharing what you went through. Thank you for helping to normalise the issue, taking it off a pedestal, so that addressing how you feel is what is focused on. This is such an important conversation to have as we all put so much pressure on ourselves, try to be the best and set massive goals. We are so busy chasing the stars that we don’t checking with ourselves to see that we are actually okay.
    I wish you the best with the choices that you end up making and enjoy the journey of finding yourself in your runs.

    • Fareed

      March 26, 2019 at 3:06 pm Reply

      Thanks Nicole for taking time to read and watch the vlog. I’m on a path and I’m hoping to find my balance. There are times when I’m sure I’ll fall off the wagon and default to old ways, but I’m hoping to stay the course over the long run and get to that peaceful place again

  • Bianca Erasmus

    March 26, 2019 at 1:47 pm Reply

    During UTCT I had a severe anxiety attack. 1km and I sat crying. I got to the 9km mark and my husband was there. All the marshalls had to walk with me. I was crying the entire way to the checkpoint.

    You are not alone!

    • Fareed

      March 26, 2019 at 3:03 pm Reply

      Thank you for sharing. I’ve always thought of the mountains as my safe place and a sanctuary where I can escape and be my true self. I’m really sorry that you had to go through that in such a special place (at UTCT) as I did on Batrun. But I hope that it’s not the end either and that we can both return to the mountains and find it again as our sacred place

  • Rushdi Hendricks

    March 26, 2019 at 2:02 pm Reply

    Good honest video bro. I enjoy your vlogs.. Everything of the best with the road to finding the balance that you are searching for. I think it’s something that we ALL need to assess every so often..

    • Fareed

      March 26, 2019 at 2:59 pm Reply

      Thanks brother for taking the time to watch. It’s very easy to get caught up and create a monster that demands to be fed all the time. I’m hoping to find my balance and commit to sharing the journey as well to help others

  • Logie

    March 26, 2019 at 7:38 pm Reply

    Thanks for being so raw and real with us! I think your honesty will help so many and make it feel safe for others to open up and be as real! Much love and respect for you bro!!!

    • Fareed

      March 27, 2019 at 3:35 am Reply

      Logie, I’ve learnt so much from you in being real, authentic and just purely wanting to add value. Thanks for the kind words… it really means a lot

    • Fareed

      March 27, 2019 at 3:35 am Reply

      Logie, I’ve learnt so much from you in being real, authentic and just purely wanting to add value. Thanks for the kind words… it really means alot

  • Jody Hanslo

    March 26, 2019 at 10:50 pm Reply

    Firstly, thank you Fareed. You sharing your story is not only inspiring, but also authentic. Even for someone that doesn’t suffer from anxiety, there’s a lot one can take away. I appreciate people that are real and not ashamed to speak about what’s not generally spoken about. Keep striving for happiness and sharing your journey. Looking forward to seeing your progress…

    • Fareed

      March 27, 2019 at 3:34 am Reply

      Thanks bro. As always we try and add value and learn from each other. The support from people like you in our community has always made it easier to be open and speak up. Thanks again for always encouraging and may we both continue growing on this journey

  • Tiffany

    March 27, 2019 at 1:26 pm Reply

    I commend you for sharing!
    Your message is powerful. I too deal with anxiety and will never forget my first panic attack at 15years old. My life changed dramatically since that moment. Only about 4 years ago lve come to learn that what l was experiencing was panic attacks. Knowing what it is and what triggers it will greatly help. Sending you love and you know our doors always open whenever you need to have a heart to heart

    • Fareed

      March 28, 2019 at 1:02 pm Reply

      I know we see each other so rarely, but I know that I’m always welcome and miss you guys. It’s been a difficult road, but I’ve been so happy with the changes that I’ve already started implementing. Thanks as always for the support Tiffany

Post a Comment